The Husband Syndrome: When the Need for Companionship Struggles Against Independence

A sad dilemma has taken hold of Black America; one that threatens the moral fiber of our people in this country. Aside from the myth of the Black male shortage, or the “I cannot find a good man” crises, many Black women have resorted to prayer and faith in God to settle them with the right man. And this new market of Black women searching has been captured by religious capitalist looking to build wealth.

Some seventy percent of church congregations are comprised of women, and most of them are in need or want of a husband; while the rest come to church leaving their husbands at home. Off the record, the reason most men do not go to church is because they recognize game in the preacher when they see him coming. Most men do not believe the hype in the messages of today’s prosperity preachers. In fact, one has to know game to recognize game.

Women are dreamers. They are in search, first of all, for the perfect relationship, the storybook romance they see on television, not understanding that it takes mental and emotional work to have a good marriage, which can sometimes become exhausting. But this mind-set is beginning to play second against the independent woman trend.

Once the independent lifestyle dwindles, women want companionship and to be envied of their friends and family. They want lavish weddings, they want stability and money, and for their man to have a decent job, and some want children. They want these things and rightly so because this is what life is all about in essence, man – woman – bare children, raise a family…it is called reproduction.

The problem is that this is not working for Black women for some reason. They are reaching and grabbing for straws and settling for less. Many have given up hope, become desperate, and even gotten themselves into relationships they knew from the start was not going to be the best for them. But misguided and blind desire can lead a desperate person into the pits of hell.

Many Black women have turned to other races believing this would solve their problems. Some have turned to other women for need of passion, emotional support, and simple love and attention. As a result, the children of these women absorb these dysfunctional feelings and go into the world with a negative view from the start. Preachers see this crisis and have discovered a way to make money from it.

The Bible is a book of promises. To have faith in its words takes longsuffering and patience. Nothing comes easy from the promises of God and none come overnight. If something is worth getting, it will take suffering before or during reception. In other words, many will receive a god-given spouse and suffer through to make it work or they will suffer first and then receive a spouse. Either way, suffering is required.

Preachers preach promise. They extend hope to many women but they do it in exchange for money. And women will pay and stand behind any preacher who can make it sound just right. Many women do not realize that the church, the preacher’s promises or no amount of money or time given will bring them a husband, only God can, because only God knows what any particular woman needs and when she needs it; love is based on needs, not wants.

Now, many will refute this by saying that the church is the best place to start, but if the church is filled with the same type women, there is little chance on finding a good man. And the men who are in church are either already married or only there to capture desperate women. In fact, more and more scandal has been revealed from within the church involving male members and preachers with single women than in the workplace, community, or nightclub scene.

Promises of finding a spouse by today’s prosperity preachers is a hoax because their gospel is based on money, thus money will become the foundation of any marriage as a result of their teachings. Love, faith, and longsuffering is not taught in its entirety nor to its most effective because they themselves have not learned either. They can only speak through the comforts of wealth, and when the wealth dries up or becomes an issue, the marriage usually fall through also.

So for Black women who are looking for love and a husband, advice to you is to trust God and His plan for humanity, which is reproduction the natural way, and not in promises of love based on the promises of giving. No woman has to live her life’s end alone and as she grows and matures and begin to understand her needs, she will eventually find that someone who also needs what she has to offer. Being young and full of imagery brought to you by television, or full of false promises forced on you by prosperity preachers will only bring you pain.

True love binds a marriage and God is the true essence of love. No man-made doctrine, no things, no self-help, or no amount of money can ever supply a woman with what she truly needs in her heart to make her a complete woman. If money answers all things, it can only answer to things of substance, but since faith is the substance of things not seen, money can never buy you love.