The Responsibility of Step-Fathers and Mothers

In the current landscape of family dysfunction in the United States, men and women both are likely to marry into pre-made families, where one or the other spouse already has a child. In this scenario one of the parents must be a leader to an almost supervisory level and have life and skills training in handling disputes and personal relations.

Many unanticipated problems come with step-families on both parts of the parenting and on the child’s level. Whether through divorce or a new relationship, people with children before marriage have to be ready for a few common problems.

The step-family was on a 50-year rise after the 1950s to replace the traditional nuclear family, subsided in the last 20 years when birth rates started to decline, but will definitely pick back up with the overturning of Roe.

But more than likely, “More than four-in-ten American adults (41%) have at least one step relative in their family. Young people, blacks, and those without a college degree are significantly more likely to have step relatives.”

“Among black adults interviewed in the Pew Research survey, 60% have at least one step relative.  This compares with 46% of Hispanics and 39% of whites.  One-in-four black men (24%) say they have a step child, compared with 14% of black women.  Black men are also much more likely than white (15%) or Hispanic men (7%) to say they have stepchildren.”

When people marry to others who have children, there must be a mutual understanding and acceptance of the other children without bias. Otherwise, any resentment will create a host of unneeded problems. Knowingly going into a step-family it is more than fair that that person has respect for children that are not theirs biologically.

But it is not always the step parent that has problems adjusting to the new arrangement, many times the children suffer emotional issues of acceptance, and sometimes both the parent and the child. Having the correct attitude toward that child or spouse who seems to be in regression requires a sense of patience, unconditional love, and respect.

Though problems may seem to mount in certain families, one of the adults has to have a sense of rationality and understanding. If one parent is the target of the child or of the other parent, that parent should back off and allow the situation to resolve itself, first. If the problem persists, then there should be one-on-ones and then the family as a whole should get together and discuss it. Loud arguing is sure to cause more conflict in the future.

The long-term solution is that each individual is now apart of the family and things have to be worked out in order to make the family work. Someone has to be the one to always keeps the peace and sooths the situation. If everyone blows up in any confrontation, there will be a break in family communication and eventually family bonding.

There are a few scenarios in the step-family. The single father marrying a woman with a child or children and the single woman likewise. And there is the father with children and the mother with children who blend into a family unit. And of course, there is the couple who both have children and then have children of their own. And there is always the ex who will monitor the treatment of their child by the step parent or both.

The solution, as stated earlier, is someone has to keep the peace and understand how to lead a family of any size in blending into one, instead of two feuding families. Without correct guidance and someone with a level head, there will be problems. Every individual in the family is a person and deserves respect, love and attention from everyone else. This must be emphasized from the start. There can be no favoritism. No father or mother should ever take more care for their child over the step-child.

Each family member should receive honor according to their own accomplishments and personality and not according to whose parent or child is whose. This is disrespectful not only toward the other adult, but to the children. If at all possible, there should be family meetings about situations that are potential problems in areas of favoritism or neglect.

The family is a lifetime obligation so everyone must be on board and understand that the people in the family will always be a part of their lives, to an extent. Of course, there will be disputes and misunderstandings, but again, the adults must take the lead and address the issues head on with communication and dialogue.